I often talk about having had two wake-up calls that led me to focus my coaching, speaking, and workshop practices on cancer survivorship. The first one happened sometime between my brain surgery and year of chemo, and led me to enroll and invest in coach training so I could feel qualified to do what I love full time. (If not now, WHEN?) The second one happened when my younger brother, Geoff, succumbed to pancreatic cancer after less than a month of notice.
What was it I learned from Geoff that helped me overcome my resistance and become passionate about this work? Two things he taught me in that short time frame continue to resonate:
- Invite your friends and family in to help, participate, support you and be supported
- LIVE life to the fullest, no matter how much time you may have
Regarding No. 1, When Geoff learned that he only had weeks to live, initially he was shocked and had a brief pity party. Then he started taking action. He announced his prognosis at the family reunion that took place the weekend following this dire news. He also invited everyone who could, to join him and my youngest brother Bryan for a big bonfire at his house in two weeks. I was able to spend five days with Geoff, immediate, and extended family and friends just before he succumbed. The big bonfire was the last gathering of this group before Geoff died just days later.
What was it that was so special about this time? First, all of those who were most dear to Geoff were there, joking and laughing, talking, supporting each other through the tears. Given our family history of stoicism, it was an incredible gift for me to have all these loved ones there for support, allowing me to grieve naturally without worrying what people might think.
Second, Geoff was able to assign each of us a role to help him both at the time and later. It felt so good to know we were helping him and each other. We had purpose, and Geoff found the best role/task for each of us based on personality and talents.
NOTE: Not everyone is talented in that way. If you’re not, just let your friends and family know what they can do to help. That direction/guidance is priceless for all concerned.
Those tasks kept us going. Even the hospice nurse commented how nice and unusual it was to hear laughter in the home. Yet, that was the most natural thing in the world for Geoff the mischievous one, and cousins who were known for their humor. And, we all know how therapeutic laughter can be.
This first lesson supports lesson No. 2: LIVE life to the fullest, no matter how much time you may have.
Even though he had to haul a portable oxygen tank around with him, Geoff spent as much time as he could outdoors and in his workshop. He spent time with one of his best friends, discussing what could be done to repair a couple of motorcycles (his passion) and miscellaneous lawnmowers and other equipment. And of course, the bonfire was the biggest and best of all! He had established a tradition to have a bonfire every summer, except during droughts, so the bonfire was a favorite activity that drew everyone together. Everyone got into the act in some way or another, whether feeding the fire, helping Geoff maneuver down the lit path to the fire, or telling stories and jokes.
That time together and participating in the ways I knew how, remains a precious memory that also served to inspire me to my life’s purpose. I believe I survived my brain cancer for a reason, and that is to be both an example and a coach for others to live their lives to the fullest, one day, and one moment at a time. Living fearlessly, with purpose, passion, and presence.
BE love. CHOOSE inner peace and joy.
Photo by Joshua Earle
Beth Williams
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- Lessons From My Brother - July 28, 2015
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