For most of my life, I lived to achieve. I had to tackle more projects, I had to be the best, and it all had to happen right now.
And, in a sense, I succeeded: While in college, I opened a thriving startup and did business with government agencies from the IRS to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms before I was 21. But still, I wanted more—and I thought I needed to work myself to death to get it.
My Life as a Workaholic
Thanks to my stress, I was living pretty miserably, considering my fortunate circumstances. I was working around the clock, not managing my time effectively, and literally thinking I should just be more of a robot to get more done. I ate takeout almost every night, and my workout consisted of running between meetings. Stress manifested itself as acid reflux; my stomach hurt no matter what I ate. When I actually went out with friends, my body felt miserable, but I’d tell myself to quit crying and deal with it. Work hard, play hard, right?
I pushed through projects and my stomach pain. I pushed through my blistered feet from a new pair of heels. I pushed through half-hearted relationships with loved ones. I pushed through my day to get ahead to the next, only to be behind again. I told myself, “You’ll be fine. Suck it up.”
And then one morning, I began to physically lose my voice. I had a passion for singing in college, and as I was trying to sing some old favorites, I found my entire upper range was gone. Literally not a peep. It scared me. I finally paid a visit to my doctor and discovered a node on my vocal chords that prevented them from vibrating properly.
Exiting the Road to Ruin
Although I knew I needed to make some changes in my lifestyle, my drive to succeed couldn’t be quenched. I sought the easy way out, asking for the strongest prescription to fix my voice and looking into surgery to tie my stomach into a knot. I didn’t care that the medication could cause horrible side effects—from an irregular heartbeat to kidney failure. I just needed whatever was quickest. At just 26 years old, I was running my body into the ground.
One day, while driving home from work, I decided to look around. To this day, I still remember all of the people I noticed in their cars: Many were yelling into their phones, others were making wild hand gestures to neighboring drivers. Most of them—like me—looked worn out, like they were living lives of quiet desperation.
It was at that moment when I questioned my entire life. I asked myself, “This is your model for success, Sumi?” I realized that even if I could push through my health issues to succeed in business, I would be doing so without joy or passion. I was just so exhausted from pushing. For the first time in years—I paused.
In that moment, I began wondering why I’d given up my happiness and health; why I could never seem to appreciate what I already had. And I realized I couldn’t continue only treating the symptoms of my stress. I had to rebuild my foundation. I needed to take back my own life.
My Body, My Temple
In the coming months, I became acutely focused on putting my life back together. I hired a life and leadership coach, I enrolled in a fitness boot camp, and I started to look at my eating patterns. I wrote affirmations, channeling my inner achiever to focus on healthy living. Over four years, I literally rewired my mind and body.
Before, I thought happiness meant seeing my company grow exponentially bigger and better. Now, I schedule time for life’s priorities, like relationships and health. As I shifted focus from my business to myself, I found that not only did my business continue to grow, but it also did so in a way much more aligned with who I wanted to be.
Giving my team room to breathe and a model of self-care actually propelled the company to greater heights. A healthy me created a healthy business.
While there are still days when I push my limits, stress is no longer a constant in my life. No longer will I compromise my passion for business with anxious self-destruction. My new outlook on life even eliminated the vocal node—a miracle, according to my doctors.
I won’t lie; it has been a long, difficult journey. I’ve gone from pushing myself to do it all to creating a life where I put myself first. And the beautiful thing is that I’ve never felt happier or more successful.
Photo by Francisco Moreno
Sumi Krishnan
Latest posts by Sumi Krishnan (see all)
- How Losing My Voice Taught Me What’s Really Important - December 10, 2015
