People split up for a number of reasons. Sometimes the reason might seem silly and insignificant. Sometimes, it’s due to differences you just can’t get over as a couple. If you want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend, there are a few things you should do first. There’s no rule to say you can’t get back with them, but you have to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Follow these steps for more clarity and a better chance of getting back with them:
Work Out Why You Want Them Back
Be completely and totally honest with yourself as to why you want your ex back. There are good reasons to want them back, and bad reasons to want them back. Here are some reasons you should not want your ex back:
- You don’t like being alone.
- You don’t think you’ll get anybody better.
- You feel like you need them.
Ideally, you’ll be comfortable alone. You should never feel like you need anybody. You should be with someone because you want to be, not because you feel like you need to be. If your ex didn’t treat you right, then of course aim for better Starting over can be scary at first, but that doesn’t mean you should go running back to them. Here are some good reasons for wanting your ex back:
- You get along and are right for one another in many ways.
- You’ve had time to think about the relationship, how you can improve it, and how to make it work.
Your reasons should be out of pure love for them, not because you’re missing them and having a bit of a hard time letting them go, even after you both realized you don’t work together. When you know you want your ex back for the right reasons, here are the next steps to take.
Have A ‘No Contact’ Period
If you haven’t even had a no contact period after splitting, you should. You’ll find this in many ex boyfriend recovery programs. A period like this will give you more clarity. Whether it’s a week or a month, you should cut all contact with them. Have time to yourself to reflect and think about the relationship, so you can both come back stronger from it and know for sure what you want. This isn’t about manipulating them to get back together with you, it’s all for your own benefit. If they split up with you, this should give them time to see what life is like without you, too.
Focus On Yourself
During the no contact period, you want to focus on yourself. If they split up with you, it can be hard not to get obsessive about who they are with and what they are doing. However, it’s imperative you focus on you! Giving yourself more value is going to give you more chance of getting them back. You don’t want the only good thing in your life to be your relationship, do you?
Have Fun
Going out and having fun will help you to feel more like yourself. If your ex sees you having fun without them, this could also make them realize they have made a mistake. Although this step is about you rather than manipulating them, make sure you don’t do anything silly.
Be Honest With Them
When you’ve had the no contact period, the only thing you can really do is be honest with your ex. How you do this will totally depend on how you are with one another at the moment. If they split up with you because of your actions, tell them what you’d be willing to do to be with them, and make sure you show them too. If they did the dumping, maybe ask them if they’d like to talk; although many people would tell you to stay away for as long as it takes for them to approach you. It’s your call. Just make sure you don’t play mind games and try to manipulate them, as this nearly always backfires.
Nobody wants to be with somebody who is desperate and hates being alone. Needing your ex is not only bad for you, it puts a lot of pressure on them, which will likely deter them further. Make yourself more high value and truly love yourself and in all ways, seek God.
Photo by Jens Lelie
Mia Guerra
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