Everyone feels loved in different ways. And understanding how you feel love and how those around you feel it can help enhance both your romantic and platonic relationships.
What is a love language?
The term really means how you express affection and how you want to have affection expressed to you. Some people might need to be cuddled and kissed regularly to know their partner loves them, while others may want to give their partner gifts to show their affection.
One marriage counselor, Gary Chapman, defined five love languages in his 1992 book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Under these categories, most people have a primary language and a secondary language that is less intense.
What are the five love languages?
Below are the five love languages that most people use:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
If you’re not sure about where you and your partner lie, try this quiz!
How to speak your partner’s love language
Words of affirmation.
If your partner feels love through words of affirmation, make sure to feed them praise and affection through words: Tell them how great they look before they leave the house, thank them for making an effort to plan a trip away, praise them for their compassion.
Try to avoid insincerity and assumptions. You might think you’re showing your love in other ways, but it’s really the words you say that can make the real difference for your partner.
Quality time.
Even when you live with your partner, the business of work schedules and social arrangements means that you can often feel like passing ships. Those that speak the ‘quality time’ love language need time truly dedicated to spending time together.
Your partner wants your undivided attention: Put the phones away at mealtimes and sit and talk instead. Don’t just fall into a habit of Netflix each night and weekend; take time to think about activities you can do together.
You’ll miss the mark if you leave the date planning to them or prioritize your own hobbies and social plans above them.
Receiving gifts.
Anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas are times where everyone likes to receive gifts. But those that have this love language feel loved when someone gives them something. It’s almost like saying, ‘I saw this and thought of you’.
If your partner likes receiving gifts, they need to be thoughtful – not just a generic gift that looks cool. Customizable gifts for her or him are the best way to really show you’ve carefully thought things out.
Gifts don’t just have to be big romantic gestures, either. Slip a romantic note into their work coat or surprise them with a muffin from their favorite bakery after dinner. It’s these little things that make the difference.
Acts of service.
The acts of service love language mean you want your partner to do things for you. This doesn’t mean buy gifts or give them a foot rub. The mundane things like washing the dishes without being asked or running errands on your way back from work are all acts of service. It’s these little things that don’t necessarily seem like gestures of love to some, but to others, they can really show appreciation.
If your partner likes acts of service, try not to tut or be annoyed about having to do something.
Physical touch.
Lastly, there’s physical touch. Cuddles, holding their hand, or kissing goodnight are all great ways to show love. While these things come naturally to some people, not everyone is the same. If you know your partner wants to be shown affection through physical touch, try to keep this in mind while you’re out and about, when you wake up in the morning, or even just while you’re watching tv.
Mia Guerra
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